"I say love do you think anybody will be watching this crap on the late night repeat?"
"Don't be so Fu#king Stupid you dozy old sod!"
After a spot of fresh air outside to allow for either a smoke or an outbreak of wind (since the previous nights kebabs made their last stands) we made a charge for the breakfast bar and for me it was a disappointment. It started off ok, we got decent seats where we could see BBC news on the TV (which was showing the same crap that we saw an hour previous in the hotel) The breakfast started ok, A reasonable choice of cereals, croissants and yogurts but that was the highpoint. The cooked breakfast was a big let down. On offer were sausages, bacon, scrambled egg, tomatoes, beans and that's your lot sunshine, well, apart from toast. As most people know i would rather watch Grimsbys 5-1 win over Lincoln or a Coronation street special from 1984 than go anywhere near bacon so for myself it was a lean breakfast. All this was washed down with the weakest apple juice known to man. All this for £7.50. The others thought the breakfast was spot on so it may just have been me. I gave it a 3/10 the others around the 7/10 mark.
Soon after breakfast we were on our merry way to find Corinthian Casuals with such optimism not seen since the rebel fleet set of to destroy the 2nd Death star in Return of the Jedi. However just as the rebels soon learned that a handful of crappy X and Y wing fighters may not be quite enough to tackle the entire might of the Imperial fleet and a fully armed and operational Death star, we discovered that my non league football ground guide book, Baz's newly bought A-Z street map of London along with his previously researched directions and a half drunk bottle of raspberry flavoured sambuca were no match for the boroughs of South West London; with their lack of street signs, one way systems, and so forth. We bravely battled on before resorting to asking somebody who gave us directions and got us nearish to the ground.
"Talk to me boys where the fuck are we going?"
"Fuck knows mate we've gone off the edge of the map we're fucked"
"Sambuca anybody?"
"Fuck it lets ask this knob here"
In the end we arrived at the ground with time to kill.
We were going to watch the first day of the Geoff Harvey vase. The first match saw the hosts Corinthian Casuals take on Kingstonian FC with Tooting and Mitcham playing Staines Town in the 3.00pm Kick off. The winners played each other the next day in the final and the losers played each other for the 3rd/4th place. All this for only £8 quite a bargain if I ever a saw one.
We were greeted at the turnstiles by a couple of gentlemen who quite simply are Corinthian casuals through and through. They gave us one of the warmest welcomes I have ever had at a football match. As we chatted you couldn't help but be impressed by their passion, not only for their club, but for football in general. They told us how they have more or less built their ground by themselves, and told us about their clubs history. We need more gentleman like Mr B Phillips and Mr R Phillips in football. Take a bow chaps. I get the impression that if we came back here in 5 years time or whatever they would remember us, not only that but they could tell us who was playing, what the score was and who scored the winning goal.
We had a ferret around the ground and very pleasant it was too. Covering was available on three of the four sides with seating down one side. I had a look in the club house and it seemed pleasant enough, again the staff inside were very friendly and couldn't do enough to help. I was tempted for a pint but 10.40 was a tad early even for me and i didn't want to be skint by midday. I told the guys i was off in search of a badge. Unbeknown to me the guys had told one of the chaps outside on the gate i was looking for a badge and if he shouted BARLOW at the top of his voice in the clubhouse he would find me, which he did and i subsequently bought a badge for the standard £3.50. They are very proud that they are the only football club in the country whose badge is designed by the heraldry commission. Great quiz question that.
See its not just me who can't spell!!
Today we were going to support the home side, so strolled round to the far end that Corinthian Casuals, in there pink and chocolate halved shirts, were attacking in the first half. Not only does Ryman employ hot young chicks in its shops but it also sponsors a non league football division. Kingstonian play in the premier division while the Cor-cas play in the division one southern, one league below. This made them the lowest ranked side in the competition.On a national level they are on a par with the same league as Lincoln United where as Kingstonian play at the same level as Retford and Worksop.
For the first half an hour you would have thought that the hosts were the side in the higher level. Not only were they on top but they played football on the floor. Most of it was two touch stuff and great to watch. At the back Kingstonian were struggling to pick up the movement of the Cor-cas number 10.
The home side took the lead with a great goal on 22 mins. The player beat two defenders then hit a dipping shot from outside of the box right into the top left hand corner. It was one of the best goals i have ever seen at this level. A few moments later it could well have been two as another long range effort smacked against the top of the crossbar.
This was the Que for Kingstonian to finally wake up and start playing. Again they played the ball on the floor and slowly started to get a foot hold in the game and forced a couple of corners.
The equaliser, when it came, was a sickener for the home side. A ball was pumped to the left hand side if the Casuals defence just outside of the box, The left back than headed it back to the keeper. Alas the keeper was out of position towards the left hand side of the goal. The ball gentle flew over him and nestled gently in the far corner of the goal for an undeserved equaliser. The rest of the half saw Kingstonian on top as the Casuals heads went down after the own goal.
HT 1-1
We made our way round to the food counter at half time to check out the snap, WAGS and MILF'S. The burgers got a 7/10 (i didn't have one) and were £3. As on the previous night the burger sauce was a plus point. It must be a southern thing and very nice it is too even though none of us quite knew what is in burger sauce.
The second half was pretty tame compared to the first with little goal mouth action. Plenty of subs were made as well which broke up what rhythm the game did have although Kingstonain were it has to be said shading it. In truth we all wanted a draw because if it was level after 90 mins the game would go to a shoot out (which it did) woo hoo!!
After what seemed like an age the ref signalled that the penalties (or kicks from the penalty spot as FIFA call them) were to be taken at our end. This was good news as it saved us the embarassment of having to sprint all the way round to the other end of the ground to see them. Childish it would have been yes, but you all know you would have done the same!!
Kingstonian went first and it was their keeper who stepped up first. I can't remenber how the scoring went but it was 3-3 after the first 5 were taken so it went to sudden death kicks. It ended 8-7 to the Casuals as they advanced to the final. One penalty was ordered to be retaken due to the keeper coming off his line early which i felt was a bit OTT for a pre season game. Even the other keeper though it was a tough decision
After all the excitment and with plenty of time to kill till the next match at 3 pm we headed into the borough to find some fodder.
The centre of town was typical of a London outer borough with the range of shops being confined to Pizza, rip off Kentucky chicken style places, Kebab shops and hair dressers. We managed to find a decent fish and chip shop and were very impressed with the fare on offer. £5.20 for large cod and chips, and you got a chunk of lemon with it. 8/10.
The 2nd game was a bit boring to be honest. Staines won 1-0 and that was about it. The highlights were confined to watching a groundhopper trying to chat a WAG up, the linesman going down injured and waving his flag with all the enthusiasm of the North Korean flag wavers at the world cup, and Baz trying to count the number of people in the ground. As he did this I reminded him that there could be 50 or so in the bar getting plastered on Sambuca shots, alas after me going on about this for about 10 minutes he went to investigate, surprisingly enough there were no sambuca supping fans in the bar.
The way home was the smoothest of the weekend. The high point was Baz pointing out "That fat cunt" struggling to get out of his tiny car at the petrol station. With all four windows open the fat cunt in question could hear this and seemed a tad annoyed! can't think why?!
Addmission £8 (for two games)
Programme £1 very good
Ground 7/10
Badge £3.50
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